All is lost and unforgiven

All my life I've always been the nice one. I keep reaching out to people expecting, at most, some gratitude in return. These past six months I kept telling myself that everything will turn out fine and that people can sometimes surprise you. 

But guess what? 

I was wrong.

I've had no problem being the responsible one. I used to handle things that other people can't. I barely had time for myself because I was too busy attending to what made other people happy instead of not caring. I used to think positively about people who kept abusing what I had to offer. In short, I was too nice.

But guess what?

I'M  DONE.

Now, I wanna be the person who chooses not to care. I wanna get what I want because I deserve it. I'm tired of always adjusting to what makes other people happy. I wanna relax and have everything go my way.

What sucks about this is that... 

I'M STARTING NOT TO CARE. 

My mind keeps telling me that INSENSITIVITY is the key to getting what I want. I just have to go for it without giving a damn about what others think. Sometimes it is almost so natural for me to push people away. I just wanna be left alone because for the longest time, I've been the one seeking out companionship. No one was there (A big "yay" for me!). Now, I think I can do better without it because I'll only end up pushing people away.

Therefore...

Being nice ends now.

Take that bottle to the head and let me see you fly.

As much as I wanted to, I wasn't able to drink this weekend.

TOO BAD.....

I wanted to get drunk but my tired body kept getting in the way. 

Since I started working, I haven't been drinking hard enough for me to get some decent sleep in the evening. 

So for this coming weekend, I promise to get myself drunk. =))

I miss my friends again!

By the way, I had a great time in Batangas with my officemates! 

I drove back and forth from Alabang to Tanauan, Batangas with my baby, Cori.

See may car on the lower left? 

It's the first one from the right. :) 

The road to this place gave me a huge headache because of all the potholes and irregularly-shaped humps. 

I can't even count how many times my car got hit underneath the chassis because of those. 

But nevertheless, we made it and it was one hell of a road trip with my new friends.

I was basically sleepless when I was driving to the meeting place for departure. 

Even on the way back, I still felt tired. I had fun though. =)

For more good news....

NO WORK TOMORROW! 

It's a French Holiday so I will be resting. :) 

I might also meet up with my bestfriend who I haven't seen for an entire year.

Things are going smoothly.

I hope this lasts. 

Thank you, Lord.

It's one of those nights.

In my first post, I mentioned that I organize gigs from time to time. Well, tonight was one of those. 

I had a really great time with my friends (I haven't seen most of them in a really long time). 

It's fun to not think about anything for a night. It's nice to just laugh with friends and worry about nothing. I felt young again. I felt that I had nothing to be accountable for. It was just plain FUN.

Thanks to my friends, I was able to just relax and enjoy.

Everyday I go home at 2:30am and just daydream. Not a day goes by since that incident that I don't end up just lying down on my bed and staring at the ceiling until the sun rises. That's when I get to sleep. 

Of course, I really can't explain what I'm going through. I can just write about what I feel.

Thanks to my production, I will be able to sleep soundly because of the fun and worry-free night. 

It's nights like these that make me realize that...

THERE WILL BE BETTER DAYS.

Thanks, everyone. :)

Friends? No... Not really.

I've been having a rough couple of days because I've been contemplating on some thoughts about my friends. I have this complex where I usually go into hiding whenever I have problems. I go for weeks and even months without talking to my closest friends about my problems.

But let me ask you one question.


What if this certain friend of yours is your problem?

What I usually do is cut this person out of my life. However, seeing that this person has been a friend of mine for years, I am forced to reconsider. It's hard to be a good friend when you know that person is already abusing you. You can see it as well as other people do but you can't seem to do anything about it because that person is your friend.

Well, let me tell you one thing. 


Some people are not so stupid.

I'm not the type of person who depends on other people for anything. I don't depend on others for money, transportation, food, clothes, etc... I try my best to gather my own things. In short, I am NOT SPOILED. I know my limitations.

If you wanna be a good friend, you should know your limitations too.

In my earlier post, I mentioned that I hate social climbers. These are people who spend money trying to look as good as the people around them. They succumb to the pressures that the so-called "high society" gives to people. These are people who resort to drastic measures just to be part of the "group". Even within a group of friends, at least one person is bound to try his/her best to be able to afford the same brand of clothing, gadgets, shoes, etc... I guess it comes with deprivation.

Even friends can resort to theft, dishonesty, and abuse just to satisfy their hunger for climbing the social ladder. 

It's sad, really.

In this world, you can't really trust anyone. Not even your friends.

(I can trust my boyfriend though <3)

Who am I anyway?

Since this is my first official blog post, I might as well write something about myself.

 Well, first of all, I go by the name of Redjine Maritoni P. Boller. You can call me Redj. Never call me "Maritoni" or else, I will ignore you for the rest of my life. I am currently employed as a Corporate English Trainer (yes, I know it sounds so sophisticated but I basically teach English to Europeans through the phone) in Alabang. I used to be the road manager of the band Mayonnaise and I organize gigs from time to time.

I eat a lot. I shop a lot (shoes <3). I daydream. I drive a Toyota Corona (her name's Cori). I suck at parking my car. I always lose my parking tickets. I am very clumsy. I hate stairs. Hence, the "clumsy-ness" (I don't even know if this is a real word and I'm an English trainer. Sad.). I have high blood pressure (don't ask). I don't like eating vegetables. I hate social-climbers. I love drinking. I don't do drugs. I have a boyfriend who I love so much. I love the Philippines. I HATE VIETNAM (forgive me for the bold typeface, but I really do hate everything about that country).

QUESTION: Why did I make this blog? 

ANSWER: I just wanted to have an outlet for my everyday life. I've had this love-hate relationship with myself for about six months now and for some reason, I felt the need to do something about it. Ergo, this blog.

I rant and rave about certain things that may seem shallow to some people but I don't give a shit. If you don't like what you're reading, just click the "x" button on the upper right corner of your screen and go f*ck yourself.

That's basically it.